Dealing with Jealousy in your Relationship

The Green Eyed Monster is bound to rear its ugly head at some point in time during most relationships. Whether there’s an actual reason for it or not, it does happen from time to time. In some relationships, jealousy is present too much of the time and makes for a stressful connection between the partners in these relationships. The question surrounding jealousy is more about how to deal with it than anything else.

The first thing in dealing with jealousy in your relationship is to try to get to the root cause of it. Why is there distrust that can cause jealousy? Typically, it’s because the partner with the jealousy problem has been mistreated in a relationship in the past. This is usually because an ex has cheated on this partner and fidelity is something that he or she no longer takes for granted in a relationship.

Oddly enough, it can also come from the partner that cheated. The belief here is that if he or she is capable of cheating, then their partner could also be capable of it. Anytime there are trust issues of any kind in a relationship, there’s a huge probability that there will be jealousy within that relationship.

Insecurity is also another major root cause for a partner to be jealous. This insecurity can come from an assortment of past issues. Sometimes a person may pass through an “ugly duckling” phase before blossoming into their present day swan. Many times these people can’t move past the fact that they were once grossly overweight or had acne that covered their face. Even though they may now sport clear skin and a killer body, they look in the mirror and still see that fat, acne faced person that others used to make fun of.

Insecurity can come from other reasons, too. Nearly everyone starts out with the innocence of believing everything they’re told. This is particularly true in a relationship. Until you learn that people can and do lie, it’s easy to live in a cloud of happiness. Then one day, you catch your partner cheating on you, or you find out that he or she has been lying to you all along. That’s the beginning of the undoing of most people. They’ve learned that they trusted when they shouldn’t have. That can bring about a permanent insecurity that will be the cause of jealousy in all future relationships.

Once you learn the root cause of your jealousy, then you can begin to go about finding a way to deal with it. For example, if you’ve been cheated on in the past, look at your suspicious nature in your present relationship.  Unless your partner has given you any reason to feel that he or she has been unfaithful to you, there’s no real reason to get upset if you see them noticing an attractive individual. On the other hand, if your partner is openly staring and gawking while out with you, there’s every reason for anger, rather than jealousy.

If you find that you simply cannot move past jealous feelings even though you have no reason for it, you may want to get some counseling to help you deal with these feelings.

Opposites Really DO Attract

Several years, singer/dancer/choreographer and American Idol judge, Paula Abdul had a little hit song called “Opposites Attract.”  The whimsical video that was filmed for the song showed Paula as being in love with a cartoon animal, thus the theme of opposites being attracted to each other. It was all very cute and the song was very popular. However, there was a much deeper meaning rooted in this song and it carried a very real truth.

This truth is that people with opposite personality types can, and do, attract each other all the time. Not only that, but these relationships seem to be some of the most successful ones on record. What does this say about the theory that all couples should have many things in common?  Actually, it doesn’t  say anything at all about that. Rather, this shows that people of different personality types can complement each other by tempering the more radical parts of their partner’s personality as well as livening up the more sedate and even boring portions. That’s when it works the best.

Obviously, commonality is a huge factor when it comes to making a relationship work out successfully. When people have some things in common, they’ll always have something to talk about and do together. It gives them a chance to bond over something and that connection will always be there. However, there’s also the matter of a couple having TOO much in common with each other. That’s when opposites can make for a much livelier and more interesting relationship.

Couples with opposite personalities can many times enjoy much more active relationships with each other than if they had a lot of things in common. Sometimes it takes just the right amount of commonality and differences to make a relationship all it should be.

However, there can be some couples that really are so opposite that it’s amazing that they ever got together in the first place. Yet, you can tell just how happy they are in the way they look at and interact each other. They’re clearly perfect with each other.

That’s why you should never discount someone just because they don’t think exactly the way you do. They may actually provide the fodder for lively debates between you. Words can be some of the strongest and most effective foreplay that you’ll find anywhere, and when you’re forced into using them, you may find that this person who is nothing like you is one of the most exciting people you’ve ever met in your life. Let that feeling take hold and use the mental stimulation you get from arguing your point of view.

That can be just the beginning for you and your new friend. When you allow yourself to think outside of the box and let this new person into your life, it may be one of the most amazing events you’ve ever experienced. Enjoy your encounter with this opposite personality and see where it takes you. It’s very possible that this is the person meant to take you down the path you’ve always wanted to travel.

Sometimes You Have to Relocate to Find Your True Love

Being gay or lesbian still has a bit of a stigma when you live in certain parts of the country. Small towns are particularly difficult in most locations. In cities and towns that still carry many prejudices, there aren’t a lot of avenues for gay people to connect and form any bonds or relationships with each other. In many cases, when there ARE plenty of gay people in the local population, there are still certain ones that just cannot seem to find that right person for them. This is a very difficult dilemma to be in.

Sometimes the only solution to this problem is to find a new location to move to. It doesn’t have to be very far away from your family and friends. The new place also doesn’t have to be in a big city.  The best thing to do is to settle on a part of the country that you want to live in and then do some research about the gay population and policies in that area. If you find that there’s a decent acceptance of the gay lifestyle, and that there are many groups there that you have something in common with, it may be just the place for you to move to.

Another way to go about deciding on the best place to move is to talk to other friends that live in areas where gay and lesbian people are made to feel comfortable and a part of the community.  If you don’t already know anyone in the particular city you’re thinking of moving to, you can easily meet new people or make new friends via online gay and lesbian dating sites such as AllGayDating.com or AllLesbianDating.com.  These are the best people to fill you in on what you can expect in different areas. When you find the ideal place to move, it’s time to send out some searches for homes to rent or buy and set up everything so that you can go start your new life.

The point in moving is that many times it does take a change of scenery in order to be appreciated. Most of the time, you’ll find that you’re quite popular because you ARE the new person in town. Everyone will want to get to know you and a lot of those people will want to date you. It’s perfectly understandable how this can happen. Once people travel in the same circles over and over again, they get bored with seeing the same people all the time. They need to have new people in their midst so that they can form new connections and have more chances to become romantically involved.

When you move to a new location, seek out people that you have something  in common with and that you feel drawn to. These are the ones that you’ll find that are easier to form relationships with. Once you allow yourself to get to know the people in your new home, it won’t be long before you’ve found the perfect partner for yourself.  Don’t miss out on the chance for a very happy relationship just because you don’t want to move from a certain place. Sometimes that’s just what it takes to find the person you’re meant to be with.

Is Worry Ruining Your Relationship?

Everyone knows that there are some people that are just born to worry. These people worry about anything and everything. Some of their worries are legitimate but, for the most part, they worry about things that it really makes no sense to worry about.

To begin with, worry never made anything better. Worry doesn’t solve problems and it saps your energy without making things any different.

When you’ve been mistreated in a relationship, or you’ve had several of them just go wrong for whatever reason, you may have turned into a worrier. You start to worry about whether or not this new or current relationship is going to last. You may also worry about whether or not you’re attractive enough for your partner. There are so many different things that you can worry about within a relationship that you simply don’t know which ones are valid reasons to actually worry.

Something that many people worry about is introducing a new partner to their best friend. There is no shortage of horror stories that depict the best friend swooping in and stealing away the new partner. It’s little wonder that this is one of the top things that people tend to worry about. However, even if you do have “one of those friends” that you’re never sure you can trust, there’s nothing to be gained in becoming paranoid. The best way to handle that situation is to get rid of any friends that you cannot trust. They’re not really your friends anyway.

Do you worry that your partner is out telling some very personal things about you? This has been known to happen on more than one occasion. However, if you can’t trust your partner enough to keep appropriately private things between the two of you, it may be time to stop sharing those sorts of things. That’s rather sad, though, because it means that there are trust issues in your relationships when you can’t confide in your partner without it becoming public knowledge.

The question really should be whether or not you’re finding yourself worrying constantly about everything that MIGHT go wrong in your relationship. You may also be worrying about whatever else may be going wrong in your life, no matter what area it is. If you do find yourself doing that, you may also find that all of this worrying is making you a depressing person to be around. It’s like you suck the energy out of every room you walk into when you carry around all of this worry with you. Not only will you have trouble with getting a successful relationship, but you’ll find that most people will avoid being around you.

It’s very easy to let worry ruin your relationship, especially if you don’t know you’re doing it.  Be brutally honest with yourself and see if you’re one of those worriers. If you are, there’s every chance that you’re putting your relationship in jeopardy. Move forward quickly to take steps that will help you to not worry so much. Try talking things over with your partner so they know you’re not doing this on purpose. Maybe he or she can help you calm down.

How Much Privacy Should Exist in Relationships?

There are many people these days that have been cheated on and betrayed in other ways by their partners. These are the partners that were supposed to love and support them. Yet, they turned out to be little more than sneaky, conniving, cheating and lying pieces of scum that really didn’t deserve what they had. Oddly enough, these same morally deficient individuals will step back and wonder exactly what happened.

If those relationships had been a bit more open, would there have been all of the sneaking around, lying and cheating going on? Maybe, because the ones that are really determined will usually find a way. On the other hand, it may not have turned out to be such a shock to the partner that was wrongly treated. They would have picked up on little hints and clues that their partner was trying to cheat on them.

People that have been mistreated in this way in relationships may find it hard to trust anyone again. For this reason, it may be a good idea to limit the amount of privacy in their next relationship. The idea behind this way of thinking is that you only need total privacy if you have something to hide. Granted, there are SOME things that everyone should have privacy for such as bathroom visits and other intimate things. However, why do you need to be hiding your email passwords from each other? Do you plan to be getting emails that you don’t want your partner to see?

Again, this doesn’t mean that you have to be peering over each other’s shoulders while reading emails. It simply means that there shouldn’t be any need for such strict privacy unless there’s something that you’re hiding from each other. The first thing that comes to mind is that one of you needs to hide online conversations with others.  At least that’s what partners that have been cheated on before may think.  This is one of the primary reasons that couples should be comfortable enough to be completely open with each other.

When you think about it, loving someone should make it unnecessary to keep too many things private from each other. The trust in a really good relationship should be of such a level that neither of you should be worried about what the other one is doing. A truly great relationship will not hold the need to keep passwords secret or other things. When you have a completely open relationship in this way, there will be no need to worry about secrets being kept on either side.

Of course, this type of relationship requires the utmost in trust, which is the sticky part of it all. Therefore, it can be rather difficult to know if you can have this type of relationship, especially when you’ve been betrayed in the past. So you’ll need to be quite careful. Of course, a certain amount of caution is needed in all relationships, especially at the beginning. So, hopefully, you’ll get to know each other to the point where you can have this type of trust. Privacy just isn’t always everything it’s cracked up to be.

Breaking Up Can Be Easy

Not all relationships are meant to last forever. Many, if not most, are simply stepping stones to the happily ever after relationship that you’ll enjoy at the right time in your life. Admittedly, a lot of break ups are messy and hurt a lot. However, they don’t always have to be that way. This is especially true if the couples involved can see that their relationship has most likely run its course.

Rather than force it and try to resuscitate a dying relationship, it’s usually better to part ways with as much respect for each other as possible. If you stay too long, it will only get worse and you’ll leave hating someone that your sun once set upon.

The first thing to do in a flagging relationship is to gauge just how bad things are and decide if there’s a chance to repair any damage that’s been done. If the answer is yes, then your next step is to begin what you need to do to get things back on track. Many times a relationship can just derail for some reason and there’s still hope that it can be put back together. You and your partner need to decide if that’s the case with your relationship.

The next thing you need to decide is whether or not you care enough to put the effort, energy and work needed to repair your relationship. Believe it or not, sometimes you just fall out of love with someone. It’s not something that either of you did. It’s just something that is. This is another of those cases where you don’t resuscitate it if it’s truly dead. Neither of you will get anything positive from this. Part as friends while you still can.

Sometimes the actions of a partner can lead you to the decision of ending the relationship. This can be many things:

• Some partners pack up and leave every time there’s an argument. Of course, they always come back but, seriously, who wants to go through that all the time?
• Others are abusive in different ways, whether it’s physical, mental, emotional or verbal. No one deserves to have to put up with that.
• Then there are the partners that just can’t seem to stop cheating. Obviously, then, you and your relationship aren’t very important to your partner.

Actually, any or all of these actions that are performed repeatedly can erode any feelings of love that you thought you had for this person. Believe it or not, their actions are helping you to make a hard decision that much easier.

Breakups can be easy once you realize that’s what needs to happen. In fact, that can sometimes be all that you need to find the words to say and the strength to walk away. Depending on the reasons for the breakup, it may even be possible to remain friends, or to become friends at some point in the future. Many times you have to follow your head rather than your heart because your head usually knows what you have to do. All you need to do is just listen to what it’s telling you.

How to Have a Successful Long Term Relationship

A lot of people go into a new dating relationship with the hope that it will become something wonderful and last long term. They may even want it to grow into a marriage where they will start their own family. If you’re someone that’s looking for a long term relationship, there are ways that you can turn this exciting new dating relationship into just that. You just have to know how to go about turning this new relationship into something deeper and more evolved.

First of all, don’t let the excitement and newness of your relationship wear off. You know how exciting everything is when you first start dating someone new. Everything sets off sparks at first: The first time your hands touch, or your first hug, and definitely that first kiss. While you’re most likely simply infatuated with each other during this time, it’s still a white-hot phase during the relationship.  You love being together all the time and you just can’t get enough of each other.

This can be so consuming that it may not be totally healthy and you certainly can’t keep the feeling going like this forever. You would both be like meteors heading toward earth and burning out on the way. However, this is the easy part of relationships. The work comes in when you want to make it last.

Although the first stage of dating is wonderful, the next level can be even better. This is when you know each other better and your connection has solidified into something that’s very meaningful. Now it’s time to see where the relationship will go. Ask each other important questions such as : Do you both want to get married? Do you both want to have kids? Can you agree on where to live? What things do you have in common? These are all the important questions that must be answered before the relationship should go any further. You certainly don’t want to wait until you’re married to find out that you don’t agree on any of those things.

When the questions have been asked and answered, it’s time to start talking about where you want things to go next. Obviously, it’s not a good idea to rush into things. Taking the time to really get to know each other is the best way to ensure that you’re on the right path. There’s a lot to be said for long engagements even when the first thing you may want to do is marry this person. If you’re meant for each other, don’t worry because you’ll still want to get married a year later.

The only thing you need to do once you have found your soul mate is to make sure that the excitement stays in the relationship. Always have time for each other no matter what else is going on in your life. It’s also a great idea to have some time together as an official couple before bringing children into the mix. They’re wonderful little bundles of joy but they can put a huge damper on the romance in your relationship. So go slow and know what the two of you want as a couple.

When Should You Go Away With Someone for the First Time?

Timing is important in relationships. You need to figure out when you should kiss for the first time, when to cook dinner for the two of you the first time, and, of course, when you should have sex for the first time. These are things that need to be assessed because doing them too fast can ruin a good thing before it even gets off the ground.

It can also be disastrous if you wait too long as well. This can cause doubt in the person that you’re dating as to how you really feel about them. Even though you may have done all of the other things, you may still need to decide when it’s a good time to go away with someone for the first time.

The reason that this is important even after you’ve already slept with someone is because while you may have spent the night with them, going away with someone is a bit different. You’ll be spending a full 2 or 3 days with this person. You’ll be going to bed with them at night and waking up with them in the morning. They are going to see you without makeup and with messy hair. You’re going to be with them when your morning breath is at its very worst. This is a very intimate time and you need to be sure the timing is right for it to happen.

First of all, before deciding if it’s the right time to go away with someone, think about what stage your relationship is at. How many dates have you been on? Have you at least kissed each other? What about sex? Have you had it yet? Is the connection forming and turning into something even deeper?

Obviously, if you’ve just started dating this person, you don’t want to rush things. If you have one date and then suggest a trip away, they are going to think that you’re easy or desperate or both. That’s not the impression you want to give someone that you think may be a promising relationship for you. They might go away with you immediately if they think you’re easy, but you most likely won’t hear from them ever again once you return.

Now, on the other hand, if you’ve been dating for a while, have gotten to know each other pretty well, and have already had sex, it may be time to take things to the next level. If you’re unsure about whether it’s the thing to do or not, talk to them about it and see what sort of reaction you get. Ask them what their thoughts are on the matter. It’s usually better if that first trip away together is a joint decision and not just something that you plan and expect them to go along with.

When you and your new partner have your very first romantic getaway, perfect planning and the perfect time will ensure that it will be a time to enjoy and remember for a long time to come.

Admitting That You Are In an Abusive Relationship

Too many women these days allow themselves to be caught up in very unhealthy relationships. Even though women are more enlightened and well educated than ever before, it doesn’t seem to stop them from becoming involved with men that aren’t any good for them. No one can know for sure whether or not the new man they just met and are starting to get to know is going to turn out to have an abusive personality. However, there are some signs that will appear during the course of a relationship that should trigger alarm bells that you are in an abusive relationship.

Once you know that you’ve got yourself into a mess with an abusive man, it then becomes difficult to admit that you allowed this to happen to yourself. Many women deny it and hide it because they don’t want to be embarrassed at what their friends and family will think of them. This is even more pronounced when the friends and/or family warned them against getting involved with this particular man. They just don’t want to hear the words “I told you so.”  While that may seem like a reason to endure your abusive relationship, it’s not a good reason to risk your life. Make no mistake; each day you remain in your abusive relationship is another day that you’re risking your life.

You may already be familiar with the signs of abuse. This man will isolate you from all of your friends and family. He may do it slowly over time or he may do it as soon as you’re married to him, but he WILL do it. He doesn’t want you to have anyone to turn to when he decides to hurt you again. This is something else that’s a bit twisted: he must understand that what he’s doing to you is wrong or he wouldn’t be worried about you telling anyone else. Yet, he’ll blame you each time he hurts you.

There are all sorts of types of abuse in relationships. Of course, there is the physical, which is highly dangerous, but there’s also mental and emotional abuse. In their own way, these can be just as damaging as being hit physically.  This type of abuse erodes self-confidence and self-esteem. You start to doubt your every thought after enough of this abuse.

What you need to do next is seek help from someone that can help you escape. If you have managed to get yourself trapped in an abusive relationship and you feel you have nowhere to go and you don’t have access to any money, there are places that will assist you in getting these things. They will help you if you have children, too.

Don’t think for one second that you’re stuck in this situation. All you have to do is admit that you’re in trouble and contact someone that will help. There are even places that will hide and protect you from your spouse if he’s particularly dangerous. Never believe that you’re better off staying than fleeing. If you do, it just may be carved on your gravestone one day.

Deciding If You Should Stay with Your Cheating Husband

It’s difficult to find out that your husband has cheated on you. Even more difficult is having to decide what you want to do about your marriage now that you know the truth.  The choice you make should be one that helps you heal, and sometimes that choice will also help you heal your marriage. Ask yourself the following questions to figure out if you should stay in your marriage or leave it.

• What will make you the happiest in the end? The fact that your husband was unfaithful will make this a hard question to answer because, currently, you’re hurt, angry and may even hate him a little. However, you shouldn’t focus on what you want to do immediately. Revenge probably feels pretty good at first but that’s not going to make you happiest in the long term.
• What do you think about when you look at your past with this man? Thinking about the past after you find out about the affair is perfectly normal. When you think about how the two of you were in the past, pay attention to what you’re thinking about the most. Are you focusing more on the good times you had together or the bad times? This can show you how you really feel and what you may want to do about the future of your marriage.
• Do you still love him or is it something else you feel? When you ask yourself if you still love your husband, the answer is one you should take note of. Obviously, you were in love with him when you married him but sometimes past feelings can be mistaken for current ones. Both you and your husband have changed and grown over the years. Does your husband still have some of the things you fell in love with? Are you still passionately in love with him or have you entered into a comfortable routine? Are you confusing love with a fear of the unknown or comfort? Finally, is your heart broken or just your ego?
• How is the situation affecting your family? If there are children involved, how will your choice to leave or stay affect them? Most parents try to hide bad things from their kids. However, children are more intuitive than most parents think so they’ll know if something isn’t right. If you feel that you can’t accept and forgive your husband’s cheating eventually, you’ll need to think about how healthy the environment will be for them.
• If you leave, will you be able to heal? Whether you stay with your husband or leave him, you’ll still need to heal. A lot of women find out that leaving their husbands before taking time for healing will only lead to more failed relationships in the future. You can’t avoid taking all of the trust issues, hatred and disappointment into another relationship even when the new man hasn’t done anything wrong.

Healing from the ultimate betrayal takes time, strength and perseverance no matter what your final decision. Just keep in mind that the healing is to help YOU, not your husband.  If you decide that you want to stay with your husband, a great self-help course to help you heal is How To Survive An Affair.  It’s a step-by-step system for saving your relationship after an affair, so if you decide to go this route, it’s much better than trying to do it all on your own.

« Previous Page — Next Page »